Dear friends and family,
There has been a few times in my life where the world seemingly stops and my focus becomes singular to what is before me, the birth of my sons are three of these moments, and the minutes when we first met Betelehem are now among these clear memories. Our trip to Ethiopia was incredible and my only disappointment is that I realize it will be many years until we are able to return. We were met with warmth and respect and in our short week in Addis Ababa felt 'Ethiopian' through adoption. What amazes me more than anything is the ultimate randomness to how our children were given to us, just like biological children where each gene makes 'your' child, the adoption process was a matter of timing and paperwork ultimately coordinating together to 'choose' our daughter. As in my three biological births, I cannot imagine having a different daughter; Beta seems completely ours, and perfect regardless of all her imperfections.
We arrived in Addis on Saturday and almost immediately met Betelehem. On Sunday evening she began spending the nights and days with us at the guesthouse. She was shy and quiet the first few days but slowly began becoming more playful. We were fed all three meals at the guesthouse, alternating between Ethiopian food and Italian (Ethiopia was unsuccessfully occupied by the Italians for five years and the food and a few sayings remain). It was obvious after our first meal with Beta that she had a hearty appetite and that sleep seemed to come easily to her. During our week in Addis there were eight other families adopting children ranging in age from three months to two years old. Our group had traveled from all over the states, L.A.,Seattle, D.C., Minnesota, Arkansas, and New York City. All the children slept in the guesthouse as soon as the parents felt comfortable enough to care for them. Throughout the week when events were planned, a shopping trip or our drive to Hosanna (a southern town four and a half hours away) the children were returned to the care center where they were met by their ‘nannies’ and friends.
The care center had 140 kids, 80 nannies on rotation and one full time doctor and a few nurses. The nannies truly cared for each and every child. When you entered the gates you were met with happy faces pleased to see you and take your hand but in no rush to leave the sight of their familiar nannies. Most often we did not hear kids crying because the nannies would resolve any problem that the child was having or swoop them up in her arms showering them with kisses before they would have a chance to register a real complaint. It was amazing to see such a well run program where the children were all seemingly thriving and the people working with them seemed to love them so tenderly. Much of the success of the program was do to the culture, one where children are honored but no one could ignore that the running of the center and home was done without the aid of any laundry machine, dryer, dish washer few running toilets, and often little to no hot water. The children always looked clean, cared for and well fed. Their diet at the center was very carefully balanced and most children were supplemented with a fortified milk formula. It is really beyond my reality how so many children could be loved and tended to with out any of our ‘modern conveniences’ that we claim we could not live without. The patience and tenderness and graciousness of all the nannies was otherworldly.
We were fortunate enough to have an Ethiopian born and raised dad in our group. He willingly became the group translator and go between. Most of the people working in the offices spoke excellent English and many of the nannies spoke a few words and it seemed very easy to communicate with them. On Wednesday morning we traveled south to Hossana. I am so pleased that we decided to take the trip. It was the only opportunity to see Ethiopian county and it was spectacular, mountains, hills, green lush parts and also very dry arid areas. We saw small villages, one or two huts and larger towns, groups of huts a window where you could buy soft drinks and a very old foosball table in the center of it all! We saw children plowing fields, young boys working on the ‘highway’. Young girls carrying babies on their back and children walking long distances to and from school barefooted. Almost every child and adult we would pass in our cars would stop and wave. Often the car would have to swerve out of the way of a roaming goat or a tire-chasing dog.
At the risk of sounding patronizing, naïve and completely generalizing, the people of Ethiopia appeared happy and welcoming even against their backdrop of some pretty severe conditions. In Hossana at CHSFS satellite center we met Betelehem’s birth mother Misrach. She is a beautiful young woman. She was incredibly shy and reserved and through a translator we were able to hear her story. We were able to give her a picture of the boys and a new picture of Betelehem. She had traveled some distance to meet us and I though I tried to convey our gratitude I’m sure some was lost in translation. We returned to Addis feeling rich in information. Some of our referral paperwork about Betelehem and her family differed from Misrach and also meeting Misrach helped us better to understand Beta.
Thursday and Friday was spent at the guesthouse with all the families. We were given a cooking class and watched the incredibly talented cooks cook in a kitchen that was far from incredible. All the meals were really delicious all prepared in a kitchen with no hot water a pretty sad stove, no dishwasher, can opener etc,etc….I kept on thinking of all the fancy kitchens people have here that never get used. We enjoyed the company of all the other families and the time to relax in a beautiful country with a group of beautiful and healthy children. On Thursday afternoon they had a ceremony at the children’s home. Each child who had been adopted in 2007 had its handprints put on the wall. Our group’s children added their fingerprints in bright yellow paint. We were then asked what we were taking away from our trip to Ethiopia. Traditional cake was served and Beta was allowed to cut it because she was the oldest child leaving. The older children (ages 3-7) were sitting watching and sang a few songs for us in Amharic and English.
Though we were not to ask the staff the status of any of these children I was led to believe that most of them had referrals and would be adopted out fairly quickly and the staff wished them to participate in each weeks farewell ceremony to understand that it would soon be their turn. We heard that CHSFS were going to be having 15 families a week coming to pick up their children for the remainder of the year. It was very bitter sweet when each of our children’s nannies held our/their child for the last time. The love they felt for all the children was palpable and there were moments when I felt incredibly guilty for severing this bond that Beta had made with the people around her only to force her to adapt to new surroundings and a new family
I was so anxious to return home to see the boys but also sad to leave Ethiopia. I kept on thinking that I needed a few more days to let it all sink in. The plane ride home was un eventful, Beta slept and ate through most of the flight(s). Our welcoming home in Savannah was the best ever! All three boys, Santo, Annabelle, Michael and Diane were there to greet us. The boys had t-shirts on that read ‘big brother’, ‘bigger brother’, and ‘biggest brother’ and there were tons of red, yellow and green balloons. The boys were thrilled to see and touch their baby sister. It has been one week since that glorious welcoming home and life has become ‘life’. Our days have been filled with kids, school, park, tears, laughter and the normal amount of bumps and bruises.
Beta has adapted extraordinarily well holding her own and fighting for her space in this ever-expanding family. She has been making her needs and desires be known and has three very proficient translators at her beck and call. I am so proud and pleased to be the mother of four healthy, happy, loud and beautiful children and to love them without conditions and exceptions. I realize now that our adoption journey is coming to a close and that this small piece of the world, our daughter, has been brought into our family and made us all much richer and better. We send our best to everyone and cannot wait for you to meet our most lovely daughter Betelehem Hannako Tulla Lowe.
Much Love,
John, Ikeda, Jonah Kane, Koji, Atticus and Betelehem
